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A new year in personal finance, foretold in fearless forecasts
Business
Published in 1-1-2015
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Considered an odd mix of right and left, their influence will rise as left-leaning anti-war groups see that low oil prices are good for the U.S. economy - but inhibiting for Middle Eastern terrorists and messianic bare-chested Russians. The brilliant minds that craft television content have yet to figure out that older viewers have money to spend, even after they have bought their denture adhesives, no-medical-exam life insurance policies and emergency alerts Having received perfect working miniatures of guillotines from a hyper-secret group known as "The New York 99," luxury magazine editors will hold a press conference. Maybe the Pentagon can spend $600 for a toilet seat, but rich people aren't that stupid. The shift will be unsuccessful, as indicated by plunging circulation of high-end magazines and rising sales of diamond-crusted toilet seats. Auto executives, noting a rising percentage of teenagers not bothering to get their driver's licenses, will start a national campaign. [...] here's your guiding principle for the coming year.